I haven’t carry a few weeks old baby for five years already! So, this old mom has to remember and recall how to carry not one but two babies at one go. Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to present to you, my grandnephew and grandniece.

On the   left is 6 weeks old Adriel who has his own Facebook account.  He is such an active little boy with inquisitive eyes that look attentitively at you when you talk to him.  He has lots of hair and look like his father, my nephew.

 

On the right is sweet, little Yen Ying who is 3 months old.  Her double eyelids are so prominent and I am sure she will be such a pretty girl.  A little bit botak but then, that’s how her mom, my niece was like when she was young.

And here is Uncle Matthew! Hahaha, he gets annoyed when I call him Uncle Matthew.

Next month, another baby is going to join the family when my other niece gives birth. My eldest sister has three grandkids within 3 months. Wuah, Chinese New Year will be fun next year.

From the look of my photo, you also can tell this grandaunt is terribly thrilled to meet the grandnephew and grandniece for the first time. (the last time I see Yen Ying was in the hospital when she was a newborn) OMG, the babies grew up so fast! And I have forgotten that 3 months old baby can coo and smile in response.

Gee, I wish I can have a baby girl too!

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Something that I should have written much earlier but all these silly politics have diverted my attention the whole of this week. So, let me jot down a mom’s thoughts on her son’s journey to adulthood before he accused me of not feeling emo over him but only on the eldest brother. Hehehe.

(view from College General)

All the 16 years old were sent to the College General on Friday night last week. For me, it is nothing because my children had been going away to scout camps, church camps, friend’s house and etc. However, this year, I offered to help the teachers in charge because I can see that they are short handed. So, I lingered around the camp more than I should.

(beautiful old chapel up on the hill in College General)

On the first night, I volunteered to prepare the youth’s dinner along with 3-4 other moms. The reason we take it upon ourselves to take turns to prepare their five meals is to bring a bit of homeliness to the children. This will also get the parents to be involved as this camp is a milestone in the 16 years old life. After all the other mothers have left, I managed to sit down and chat with one mother. She had to stay with her son during the camp because he is a spastic child.

I have seen her around church but usually, we sit far away from each other and never really talk. From the first instance, we hit off because I told her if my fourth son is around, he too would be something like her son. We spent almost an hour, sharing the trials moms with special children face. I told her how I have secretly prayed for her whenever I see her guiding her son with walking difficulties towards the priest during holy communion. I had even shed tears sometimes, feeling her burdens and yet, amazed at her love.

(Two or shall I say three of my favourite persons where church is concerned.  One is of course Jesus.  Next is the coolest priest.  After that, the professional joker, Martin Jalleh.  Thanks, Martin.  )

Sometimes, it is very good to be truthful with our feelings, whether it is with our loved ones, people we care about or even strangers. We got nothing to lose, really. During the camp, I also reminded my own son to watch over her son. These are all the little-little things that form the characters of our children.

So, I am not surprised when Martin Jalleh and the other teachers quipped how ‘good’ my son is. He is one of those exemplary chaps. I am all for affirming my kids, so if I think they are good, I say so. The reason is not only my husband and my upbringing but the fact that my older children had gone through caring for their very ill brother once. Those hard times may not be what we want but nevertheless, they had somehow gave us kinder hearts and make us better persons.

(long, long climb up the hill to the chapel.  I was wearing a 2″ heels and my calves ache for two days afer that.)

I am thankful that all my sons and I are part of the Christian community. Through it, we have been able to watch the growth of the people in the community and get inspired from them. One of them, a mom who had four children was there. She had been ill and was in a wheelchair for several months. But praise the Lord, she was able to walk now and even able to climb up to the chapel. When I see that, I praise the Lord for the strength she had and the recovery she made.

(the mysterious building housing the relics of the saints, a museum in College General.  I see this building every morning when I am in Mt. Miriam.)

Before the camp ended, the youths dedicated a song to the parents.

Many of the youths and parents cried. But me? I was there alone as hubby had conjunctivitis. I didn’t cry because there really isn’t much to cry about. I guess it is because we (my son and I) have already such chummy relationship at home so there is nothing to feel emo. It was much harder with the first son. I wonder what I will feel in another four years when my #3 son goes for his confirmation camp?

I hope the camp has left profound changes in all the parents and youths. I know I do. I know that Jesus is with my son, through thick and thin, good and bad, happy and sad and with Him, I shall not have to worry too much. Thank you Martin and if you are reading this, don’t worry, in another four years, I would have forgotten the punch line to all your jokes and I will be able to laugh like I heard it for the first time. Then, it is another seven more years lapse (#3 son and #5 son have seven years gap) and I wonder if both of us are still around or I probably even forget my own name?

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This is a personal letter from a mom to a son. I have edited out some personal stuffs and wish to share it with other youths and parents. I hope it gives both teenagers and parents the connection or rather, why we parents are so like that.

I actually hate writing it because it is very, very hard to do so. When I wrote it the first time, two years ago, I cried! That was for my eldest son. Now, I am more ‘veteran’.

I brought the letter to the church office at the last minute and managed to pass it to the teacher so that they can pass it to our children tonight. Father FD was there and he joked that it is like ‘The last letter’, meaning, that’s the last, best piece of advice we have for our children before they leave the nest.

So, read on and hope all are inspired by my heart warming thoughts for my second son.

Dear (his nickname at home)

Actually, I do not want to write this letter. But you know lah, the church forced us to do these corny stuffs. So, I mah kwai-kwai wrote one or else you will be the one without a letter from your parents. Malu, rite?

I was told they have brainwashed you guys kau-kau before they give you this letter. So chialat, rite? Somemore hor, they gave us these guidelines on what to write. Like doh….must do it meh? Thinks I cannot reka cerita sendiri kah? I blogger, wei.

They want us to tell you that we forgive you for whatever you have done wrong. You see, in papa and my eyes, we do not need to forgive you anything as we know whatever you do, you do not intend to hurt us. So, really, there is nothing to ask for forgiveness from us. You did nothing wrong to us. We accept whatever bad habits, fussy can-die quirky things, laziness, bad temper and etc etc from you. We never complain and we never will. In our eyes, our children are perfect as we believe we have done the best we can for you. With Christ’s in our lives, you will always be in the right path.

Then, they want us to tell you that we love you. Must meh? The whole world (perasan sikit, boleh?) also know that you and your brothers are the most loved children of the 5xmom and 5xdad. But of course, don’t blackmail me with requests for more expensive sneakers in USD. I won’t budge because it is for your own good. We do not want you to become too dependent on material things. OMG, you may end up like Uncle (name removed) who only looks good outside, koyak inside. So, believe us, we are setting limits because we want you to know that in life, we do not always get what we want.

Next, they want us to ask you to forgive us pulak. That means, we must admit the wrongs we had done to you. Well….trust me that we have always tried our best to remain good temper but we are humans. So, yeah, you get smacked and you get scolded etc etc. Abuden, which kid doesn’t get that, right? So, cincai lor….don’t angry lorrr….If we didn’t do that, you think you can be such a entau, lenjai, hensem boy ah?

And then what ah? Oh ya, we are supposed to tell you that you are going into adulthood and you can ponteng church sesuka hati already! Yay! No more catechism classes! LOL, no lah, not like that. You are going to be an adult but we are always here for you. So remember, right or wrong, we are always there for you. We don’t kira-kira one, you do whatever your heart tells you to. We may not always agree but we are always family.

In Christ’s love, and in our cincai-bochap loving parents style,

Mami and Papa
September, 2008

P/S : Hmmm..should I keep this template and print for David and Matthew next time? Of course, NO! Each of you are special in your own ways. Secretly, you are one of the easier to manage. And your other brothers have their own special characters that we are proud of too. Then again, none of you is better than the other one. You must remember this. Always treat your brothers, your friends and people you know as special in their own ways and no one is better than the other.

We were given two weeks to prepare this letter and pass it to the church. Yet, some parents didn’t manage to do so. However, praise God for the most wonderful woman (a teacher who dotted on all our kids like a loving mother aka mother of the squash queen), she would write one on behalf of the parents so that none of the teens feel left out when they each get a letter from their parents.

So, parents and teens, do not wait to be ‘forced’ like me to say what you mean. Now, I will wait for a reply from the son because they are going to do that tonight! Muahahaarr…tit for tat.

P/S : I will leave this post till tomorrow and I shall keep it as draft after that. So, read now or no more already when my son has internet access (he is at concentration torture confirmation camp for some motivation and faith enlightment. Let this be our (my blog readers and I) secret.

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The UPSR is ongoing now. Nowadays, god must be real busy because the poor god has to go to exam halls. From UPSR to PMR to SPM and then, STPM. God (spell with a small letter, the generic kind lah) must be totally drained out with all the equations, sejarah, DY/DX, Chemistry, Biology and whatever they learn in Form Six.

Personally, I find it rather weird for parents of 12 years old kids to bring their children for special blessings. Well, if the blessing is a general one, like done in a big group like that, then ok lah. But when parents go out of their way to seek divine intervention for their twelve years old kids, I personally feel they need to step back and reflect what kind of messages are they giving to their kids.

(cheap cheap only, RM3.50, you get pencils, sharpener and even soalan ramalan UPSR)

*put on flame retardant suit, get fire extinguisher ready*

The reason is we mustn’t plant these sort of easy way out options for the kids. Sure, if you are in college or university and you need an extra dose of faith, it is fine to go for special prayers etc because by then, the individuals are old enough to know that God doesn’t always perform like a well-trained puppy. By then, you probably knows that not all our prayers are answered and we need to rely on our hardwork. That extra prayers are more to calm ourselves.

So, when parents give these 12 years old kids the idea that one can pray for divine intervention, parents are inadvertently testing the godly magic. It is a sin to test God. What if your kid did badly and deleted whatever faith he/she has forever?

Of late, I notice that ’some faiths’ are into such things as well. I haven’t seen this practice in the previous years. Now, parents feel it is fine to put RM10 to get special prayers for their twelve years old. It is not. Just bring the kid to the church and get him/her to say a little prayer. Putting in that RM10 and putting your perfectly healthy, smart child’s name along with deceased souls, souls in purgatory, critically ill people and etc to be prayed for are just a little bit out of tangent of what Jesus taught. Jesus has said that the Kingdom of God belongs to these children with their natural in born faith. Do not use money to buy that kind of favours. If you have spare RM10, just donate it. Please.

Yes, I know I sound uprighteous like a total bitch but I am only voicing my opinions.

Anyway….I just had a funny conversation with my yet to be 12 years old. His Bahasa Malaysia is beyond help. I do not understand why but he just can’t absorb BM, no matter what. I decided there is little point in pushing him. After all, he will still have a secondary school to go to. Not like it is an elimination exam.

Sometimes, I blame myself for the lack of time given to him when he was in his early school years. He missed a lot of school because of the illness of my #4 son and thereafter, the death. There was one point when I couldn’t bring myself to bring him to kindie due to recovery of my own grief. That boy probably attended only a few months of kindie.

So, his BM sucks. Max. This is how he did those questions he cannot answer. He told me, “I take a pencil, close my eyes and ask - God…help me to find the correct answer - and then, I drop the pencil. Wherever it lands, I pick the answer.” It is an objective question so he only have A, B, C, D to choose from. We had stomach cramps laughing at the image of the mat salleh Jesus trying to read Bahasa Malaysia. So, we hope Jesus doesn’t fail his BM too. My son has no problems with all the other subjects so it is not a big deal.

I hope kiasu parents will stop dragging god into their kiasu race.

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